did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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