i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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