So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
