I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
