My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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