I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
