She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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