There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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