I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Randomize