cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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