today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
