i can't believe i had my finger in that
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize