Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
it was like eating out sand paper
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
