i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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