God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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