If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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