I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
