look no pants
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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