he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
