I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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