even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
