I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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