Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize