He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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