I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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