so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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