kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
