I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
