Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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