Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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