Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
