So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
