okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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