Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
