We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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