yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm at about main and main street
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
