I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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