Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
