just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
We're like a lot better than the average bears
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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