if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
this hospital has no fireball
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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