just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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