Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
50% drunk capacity currently
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
