If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I have aggressive nipples.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
