and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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