It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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