we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
