We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
