Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
