you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
