I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
