It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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