apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
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