i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
