So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
