her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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