Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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