it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
