i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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