Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
