if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
