her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
