Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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