Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
she peed on how many people?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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