I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
