He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
