I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
