Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize