"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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