Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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