You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
